


Hold Me Close and Kiss My Radiation Burns Away

by elmstreetkid



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 00:39:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5396234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elmstreetkid/pseuds/elmstreetkid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cait and Ms. 111, Camilla, watch each other's backs in any and every way they can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Me Close and Kiss My Radiation Burns Away

     Love. That was what Cait was in. She was in love. She was in love with Camilla, a woman who seemed to understand her better than she did herself. They were similar women, after all, so it made sense. Camilla used to get high like Cait did, running from memories she didn't want to face. She'd melt a mentat on her tongue, or shake buffout tablets into her palm and throw them back, and lay down on the nearest bed and stare at the ceiling with her rich brown eyes glassy and glazed over. Camilla knew what it was like, and even though Cait knew she probably wouldn't give a molerat's ass whether or not Cait was dosing psycho in front of her, Cait felt an odd urge to do it when she wasn't looking, hide her needle marks and keep her own needs out of sight. Camilla was the closest thing Cait had to a friend, someone who cared and didn't expect her kindness to be paid back with anything other than the knowledge that Cait appreciated it. So when Cait wanted to get clean, wipe her system so she wouldn't drop dead at any minute, Camilla didn't hesitate to help her. It hurt like a motherfucker, but tensions she didn't even know she had were gone, and she felt like she had stripped away her skin, scrubbed it clean, and put it back on as a new woman. And when they stopped in at Diamond City to sell shit they had swiped off the Gunners they killed outside the vault, Camilla went to Dr. Sun's and had him purge her too. 

     "Why'd ya do that for?" Cait had asked her once they left the medic stand. 

     "I thought about it," she said, rubbing the space of skin where Sun had inserted the syringe and pumped Addictol in, "and with all that's happened, I want to keep being here for you. And I can't do that strung out. I really admire you, Cait, and if you can face yourself without chems, I can too." 

     Love. That's why she did it. She loved Cait and wanted to be on even ground with her. Everyone Cait had ever met thought they were better than her, didn't think of her like she was even a person. Her parents saw her as a way to get money. The slavers saw her as a toy to use as they pleased. The raiders saw her as entertainment. But Camilla saw her as Cait, a fucked up woman in a fucked up world and for whatever reason, all Camilla wanted to give her was love. She was kinda fucked up too. Like they were made for each other. And after all these years, Cait saw a sliver of goodness in a humanity that showed her nothing but neglect. 

     The first time Cait had the nightmare around her, she didn't want to wake Camilla up. She rarely slept well herself and Cait didn't want to deprive her. She had the same nightmare, of when she was 21 and she dreamed about what that one slaver, whatever his name was, would do to her. She dreamed about her skin burning every time he put his filthy fucking hands on her and she wanted someone to help her, get her away and when she called out the only people there were her parents. And she woke up as soon as they turned their backs, and she was shaking and sweating and desperately trying to keep her heaving sobs locked inside herself. Maybe it was her trembling, her she was breathing too hard, but Camilla woke up either way. 

     "Cait? Cait what's wrong?"

     And when Cait couldn't answer, just broke down crying, tears and snot all down her face, Camilla knew what was wrong. She wrapped the blanket around her tighter, and when she opened her arms to offer comfort in the form of the warm body Cait was used to, Cait tucked her head down and cried into Camilla's shirt while she rubbed Cait's back, let her weep and told her that it's alright, she was there and that she'd always be there for Cait, and Cait woke up still in her arms. 

     Camilla had her nightmare sometime after. She was more coherent than Cait was, told her that she saw it clearly. Her neighborhood, pristine before the war but no one was there. Her son, her baby was in his crib in the middle of the street and the bombs were about to fall and she couldn't get to him. No matter how much she ran, she couldn't get to him and the bombs fell right on him. Cait had put her arm around her shoulder, held her close and kissed the top of her head while she shivered and tried to calm herself down. 

     "It's alright, love. It's alright, 'milla. I'm here, you know that? I'm always here for you, darlin', whatever you need." 

     She didn't have to say it, but god was it good to. Cause they were both alive, and they were both in love. 


End file.
